dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
