When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
