So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
