i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
