i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
