He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
