I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
