are you still at the devil's house?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
