Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
