I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
