Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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