I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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