We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
