I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
