the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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