I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
