I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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