What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
