Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize