All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
