WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
