I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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