Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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