never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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