Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
