he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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