i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
