I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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