so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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