as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
