so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
