Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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