oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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