I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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