she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
