how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
