Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
