I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize