So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
