Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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