Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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