you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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