Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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