I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
