If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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