No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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