The maid of honor just puked.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
