I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
