So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
