She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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