I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
