Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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