she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
zippers are such a cool invention
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
