hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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