Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
