I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
