at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
