your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
