We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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