somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
