I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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