We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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