i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
