Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
His nipple licking is glorious
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