It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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