Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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