so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
