so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize