i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
