How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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