He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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