Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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