just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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