you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
